Sunday, June 18, 2006
The Latest News From the 75th General Convention of the Episcopal Church: Robinson, Danforth to Be Executed, Akinola Elected Pope
The Special Committee on the Episcopal Church and the Anglican Communion has finally decided on wording for Resolution A160 ("Expression of Regret"). After several contentious sessions, described by one participant as “lively, if you don’t count all the boring parts,” the Committee approved the following changes:
• “Resolved, the House of Bishops concurring, that the 75th General Convention of The Episcopal Church, mindful of ‘the repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation enjoined on us by Christ’ (The Windsor Report paragraph 134), express its regret for breaching the proper constraints of the bonds of affection in the events surrounding the so-called “Wittenberg-Door episode” on October 31, 1517 and the consequences that followed; offer its sincerest apology to those within the Vatican who are offended by our failure to accord sufficient importance to the impact of our actions on our church and other parts of the Communion; and ask forgiveness as we seek to live into deeper levels of communion one with another.”
• June 28, 2006, the Feast of St. Ignatius, is declared the day for the trial and public burning of Gene Robinson in the city square of Geneva, Illinois. (Initial wording set the trial and burning in Geneva, Switzerland, where John Calvin had burned Michael Servetus for heresy, but the committee received objections from the liberal-pro-homosexual government of Switzerland). “Illinois is a helluva lot closer and the crowds should be bigger,” commented one committee member.
• July 4, 2006 is declared the date for the excommunication and execution of all homosexuals and homosexual sympathizers within the Episcopal Church. The resolution defines “homosexual sympathizers” as “liberals, including Democrats and apostate Republicans, especially John Danforth.”
• Honoring the Anointed Leadership and Godliness of The Most Reverend Peter Jasper Akinola, the Episcopal Church hereby submits to His Grace and accepts him as the Legal Heir to the Throne of Beloved Peter, Apostle and Martyr of our Lord.
Despite the conciliatory wording, the Reverend Canon Kendall Harmon, resident theologian at The State newspaper, said: “It’s just another sad attempt by the apostate leadership of the ECUSA to sound contrite, without actual repentance. Until the Episcopal Church shows its true repentance by ceasing to exist, conservatives will continue to proclaim the truth.”
For all the latest news on the General Convention, oh never mind.