Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Caiaphas Redux

When you reach a certain point in irritating the religious elites, you'll get trouble with a capital "T." In some religions, like Scientology or Jehovah's Witnesses, they will excommunicate you and no one from the church will ever speak to you again.

But if you irritate The Reverend Pat Robertson, he'll arrange for your murder.

And Hugo Chavez, the duly elected President of Venezuela, has irritated Brother Robertson one time too many. First, he had the nerve to campaign on a populist, anti-U.S.A. platform that decried American hegemony in the Western Hemisphere. Then, he had the audacity to not go away quietly when the State Department arranged to have the Venezuelan military perform a regime changing operation. So Pat is promoting the time-honored solution that 'one man should die to prevent a war' first advocated by Caiaphas, the scum-sucking power-monger that manipulated the Romans into murdering Jesus. (John 18:14)

Media Matters for America has the video showing Robertson intoning in that I-am-oh-so-righteous-Caiaphas sneer: "We have the ability to take [Chavez] out, and I think the time has come to exercise that ability..."

No matter what Jesus says about loving your enemies; no matter that the Venezuelan people's oil rightfully belongs to them not us; no matter that assassinating another country's leader is illegal and sinful--the Reverend Pat Robertson, ordained Christian minister, servant of the Most High God, wants to kill Hugo Chavez. Why?

At least he's honest about it: "This is in our sphere of influence, so we can't let this happen. We have the Monroe Doctrine, we have other doctrines that we have announced. And without question, this is a dangerous enemy to our south, controlling a huge pool of oil, that could hurt us very badly. We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with.''

Like Caiaphas said: "It is better for one man to die for a nation."

Thanks Pat, for speaking with the moral authority of Caiaphas. I'm sure it will do wonders for the mission field in Venezuela. People will be lining up to get their Bibles, their M-16's and their instructions from the covert operatives. Praise Jesus, then aim for the little red dot on His forehead.

It's your sphere of influence, Pat, please use it to kill people.

4 comments:

Doug said...

I have long maintained that the Religious Right are the Pharisees and Sadducees of our age.

When Jesus comes, I suspect He'll say, "Who are you people? I don't think we've met.
"I never said to kill your political enemies.
"I never sanctioned tax breaks for the rich, but I did talk a lot about helping people who are poor.
"I never said love your neighbor only as long as he immigrated here legally."
And so on.

As an aside, if somebody does knock off Chavez, we're going to get blamed even if we had nothing to do with it. And that will turn South America completely against us, instead of mostly against us.

seth said...

So Pat finally apologized...but only after clearly being called out for lying earlier in the day (saying he was 'misinterpreted' and that he didn't say 'assassinate')...not for actually calling for murder. Daily Show was quick to notice that he was more attuned to our oil interests than any real spiritual ones.

anonymous said...

So Robertson is willing to sanction murder and lying. This is a man of God?

Where are the other Christian leaders? Are they ok with this? They are condemned by their silence.

FunkyB said...

Great post on the Patwa, Tim. I'd love to say his comments angered me, but he's been getting away with far worse for so long that I'm actually slightly happy that he crossed the line with such a big, stupid foot.
Oh, and Sean, I don't recall Pat issuing a real apology. I suppose in this current climate, "that's not what I meant" sounds like an apology. As a representative for a group of people quite used to misinterpreting writings, it's interesting how often they speak plainly, the cry "media bias!"